Kurt Vonnegut 的 MIT 畢業生演講稿

很喜歡這篇文章，時不時就要拿出來複習一遍。

文章的標題，雖是「Kurt Vonnegut(馮內果) 的 MIT 畢業生演講稿」，事實上，這篇文章既非Kurt Vonnegut(馮內果)本人所寫，更沒發生這場演講。文章的真正作者，是一位名為Mary Schmich的新聞記者。

儘管如此，13年前的文章，現在看來卻絲毫不覺得過時，值得再次分享。

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各位九七年的畢業生：各位先生，各位女士；請務必要擦防曬油。如果我可以只提供你關於未來的一個建議的話，那一定就是「記得擦防曬油」。防曬油的長久益處早已經由科學家所證實，而我其他的建議都沒有像「防曬油」那樣，除了我自己迂迴的經驗之外別無佐證。而我現在就要告訴你們我的忠告。

享受你們青春的力量與美麗吧。別客氣，只有到你們的氣力美貌消褪的那一天，你們才會真正了解。但是請你們相信我，不要20年，你們就會對著照片試著回想那些你現在沒有辦法掌握的機會、你竟看起來如此難以令人置信地不同。

你沒有你想像的那麼胖。不要為明天煩惱。或者擔心一下也可以，但是請記住，擔心就好像用嘴巴嚼口香糖來解代數方程式一樣地有效。你生活裡的真正問題，反而是那些你從來不曾擔心的事情，在某個無所事事的星期二下午四點鐘你漠然無覺的那種事。請記得，每天要作一件嚇壞自己的事。

也許就是，唱歌。

不要不在乎傷了人家的心。不要跟那些不在乎你的心的人浪費時間。

要用牙線剔牙。

別浪費你的時間在妒忌上。有些時候你走在前面，有些時候落在後面。這場比賽還長的呢，而且到最後你會發現，只有你跟你自己而已。多記住一些別人的讚美，忘記那些指責；如果你作到了，記得告訴我要怎麼做。

留著那些舊的情書；丟掉舊的銀行帳本。

多伸直你的身體。

如果你還不知道你一輩子要作什麼，別有罪惡感。我所知道最有趣的人在他們22歲的時候，也不知道他們要幹什麼。有些我所認識的最有趣的四十好幾的傢伙，他們也是這樣。多吸收鈣質、對你的膝蓋好一點。當你再也見不到他們時你會很想念他們。

你也許會結婚、也許不會。你也許會有小孩、也許不會。也許你四十歲的時候會離婚，也許你會在結婚七十五週年慶的時候大跳兔子舞。然而，無論如何，別太恭賀自己太早、也別苛責自己過甚。你的選擇都是一半一半的機率；別人也是一樣。

快樂地享用你的身體吧。用各種方式快樂地與它共處。別對你自己的身體害怕，或者擔心別人怎麼看它。你的身體將會是你一輩子裡所擁有的最棒的設備﹙或者，工具﹚。記得要跳舞！即便你只有臥室裡的鏡子前面可以放心的跳。

好好地讀那些指引。即便你不會遵從。

別看哪些美麗佳人之類的雜誌。她們只會讓你更醜。

了解你父母。你不知道什麼時候你就永遠看不到她們了。對你的親戚好一點；他們是連接你的過去最好的橋樑，以及最有可能在未來粘著你的人們。

要記得，朋友來來去去，但是只有很少的一小撮人你會跟他們保持聯絡。記得要努力地彌補地理與生活方式的不同，因為你越老、你越需要那些知道你年輕時長什麼樣子的朋友。

在紐約住過就好了。當紐約讓你變得很僵硬之前，趕快離開。

在南加州住過就好了。當那裡讓你變得軟弱之前，趕快離開。

旅行。

接受下列不變的真理：物價必定上揚、政客必定偷情。你，也一定會變老。而且當你變老的時候，你就會幻想當你年輕的時候，物價非常合理，政客們都很正直、小孩子尊敬它們的長輩。喔，對了，尊敬你的長輩。

別期待任何人支持你。也許你有投資基金，也許你有個有錢的另一半。但是你將不會知道什麼時候是基金、還是另一半會跑掉。

別在頭髮上搞太多花樣。否則當你四十歲的時候，你將會看起來像是八十五歲的老人。

小心那些你「買」來的建議，但是對那些提供﹙免費﹚忠告的人，請多付出點耐性。忠言，或者忠告，是一種鄉愁。散播忠告是一種從垃圾堆般的過去中，釣起來、擦乾淨、在醜醜的地方再重新噴上漆，資源回收，物超所值的一種行為。

千萬記住，相信防曬油。

**譯寫：魚骨頭 (惟修正sunscreen為防曬油)

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Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.